On Japan

It has been almost a week since the earthquake and tsunami hit Japan and the conditions are getting worse. Aftershocks continue to hit the country and nuclear plants are on the brink of meltdown. I've seen figures for the death toll near 4,300. Then there are 12,000 people who are missing.

I was watching a movie the other night in bed cuddling with Romeo. I was trying to be positive and think that I would be able to survive a disaster like in Japan. I was sure that the first thing I would do is grab Romeo and run out and do whatever I needed to do. However, upon deeper reflection, I realized that a disaster like that catches almost all of its victims unprepared, going about their daily activities, in bed, in the subway, etc. So if I were in bad and something happened all if a sudden, I would probably die almost instantly without even knowing it.

That is the nature of life and death, I guess... that one can never fully comprehend it and there is no justice as to who and why someone dies. There is no need to become preoccupied with it. Of course, we all have primal instinct of survival, but there is a point when nothing can be done to improve survival and so we must go forth quietly, resigned into death's icy grip.

On Preparing for Death

When I was bitten by a mouse over the Thanksgiving weekend, I became aware of the danger of rabies. Even though I was told that rabies is extremely rare and that there have been no cases of mouse to human transmission both by the doctor and the CDC, I was still a bit weary about forgoing rabies treatment. I really should not be worried about having rabies, but every once in a while in the last couple of weeks, I'm seized by the thought that if I have rabies and symptoms develop, I have, at most, ten days to live.

And so because of that, I began to think what I would do if I knew I only had a handful of days to live. Realistically, I would not be able to do much. The CDC and other health and public safety bodies would quarantine me and observe as the illness progressed. Even if that did not occur, I would be so ravaged by the illness that I would not be able to do much anyway.

If that were not the case, I would want to see and spend as much time as possible with my family and friends. It sounds hackneyed, but I would rather say goodbye to them than go out a la '24 Hours to Live.'

I vacillate between being afraid of and at peace with death. Most people believe in some form afterlife and are comforted by that notion, especially the thought that leading a good life gives them entry into some paradise. To them, death would not be as scary since they are going to a better place. Other people believe in reincarnation, and as such, there is something that makes that person inherently them and so that is just transferred to another life form while their individual entity remains intact.

I do not think that there is an afterlife - no heaven, no hell. Because of this, I am afraid of no longer being. The concept is difficult to ponder because I am always me and cannot comprehend what it will be like no longer having this consciousness. I am comforted by the fact life and death has existed since organisms first emerged. Other organisms aren't necessarily afraid of death; rather, they try to continue living. So I am neither the first nor the last to die, and so I should not be afraid, but rather accept that fact. Also, I did not exist before I was born, so at worst, I am returning to the same state that I was in before being born.

Who knows.