On Preparing for Death

When I was bitten by a mouse over the Thanksgiving weekend, I became aware of the danger of rabies. Even though I was told that rabies is extremely rare and that there have been no cases of mouse to human transmission both by the doctor and the CDC, I was still a bit weary about forgoing rabies treatment. I really should not be worried about having rabies, but every once in a while in the last couple of weeks, I'm seized by the thought that if I have rabies and symptoms develop, I have, at most, ten days to live.

And so because of that, I began to think what I would do if I knew I only had a handful of days to live. Realistically, I would not be able to do much. The CDC and other health and public safety bodies would quarantine me and observe as the illness progressed. Even if that did not occur, I would be so ravaged by the illness that I would not be able to do much anyway.

If that were not the case, I would want to see and spend as much time as possible with my family and friends. It sounds hackneyed, but I would rather say goodbye to them than go out a la '24 Hours to Live.'

I vacillate between being afraid of and at peace with death. Most people believe in some form afterlife and are comforted by that notion, especially the thought that leading a good life gives them entry into some paradise. To them, death would not be as scary since they are going to a better place. Other people believe in reincarnation, and as such, there is something that makes that person inherently them and so that is just transferred to another life form while their individual entity remains intact.

I do not think that there is an afterlife - no heaven, no hell. Because of this, I am afraid of no longer being. The concept is difficult to ponder because I am always me and cannot comprehend what it will be like no longer having this consciousness. I am comforted by the fact life and death has existed since organisms first emerged. Other organisms aren't necessarily afraid of death; rather, they try to continue living. So I am neither the first nor the last to die, and so I should not be afraid, but rather accept that fact. Also, I did not exist before I was born, so at worst, I am returning to the same state that I was in before being born.

Who knows.